Must I play the weighing game?

I don't like the fact that weight is a topic that hangs out in the back of my mind but denying that it does is worse. When I started running I wasn't very mindful of losing weight but it was certainly a wonderful byproduct. I thought that being an active and healthy person would absolve me of the woes of having to think about weight but I've found that not to be true at all. In fact being a more active individual has made me MORE aware of my weight.

It seemed like I just woke up one morning and suddenly lost thirty pounds. Of course there was a lot of work involved but I was too busy trying to be a better runner to notice the pounds flying off. Once I got the hang of running, losing weight became a new high. I got a rush seeing numbers substantially decrease and not scale numbers... size numbers. I was wearing sizes that I never wore as a teenager and feeling more comfortable in my body. I would look at myself in the mirror more and actually smile at what I was seeing. Who was this person that I had transformed into?

Being more aware of my body now means that I'm more aware of how food affects me physically. Eating cheese bloats me up quick and makes my stomach feel like a rock. Added sugar puts a little extra jiggle in my midsection after a couple of days and gives me headaches. And don't get me started on meat. That would be T.M.I. and you don't want to know the deep inner workings of my digestive system in regards to that. Combine a couple of days of not eating right with missing a workout or a run and those pounds start to come back. I mean quick!

Now when I say pounds, I'm not talking about ten or fifteen creeping up on me quick. No, it's the tiny two or five pounds that come back. And for some strange reason I can feel each and every pounds that rears its ugly head. It's times like these that I get back on track with my eating and really focus on getting back to my holistic life. I wouldn't say that I'm obsessed with making sure the pounds stay down, let's just say I'm more aware. :) But why do I even have theses thoughts in my mind? Why is weight such an issue? By all accounts I am a very healthy person. I eat right and exercise, I make sure I get sleep (not 8 hours but getting there), I meditate and keep drama out of my life.

When I look in the mirror now, I'm proud of what I see. My body is a visual representation of  the hard work and effort I put forth to maintain it. So when there are moments that seem like I'm falling back into old patterns I freak. When I was heavier I told myself that I was happy that way but it wasn't till the weight went away that I realized I wasn't. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin and I think it definitely showed. Now that I've put in the work physically and emotionally I want to make sure that I maintain it. So maybe the little voice that keeps me on my toes about my weight is actually helping me rather than annoying me.